What a difference a week makes! This past week brought close to home feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, uncertainty, and a sense of loss.
Day 1 – What was to be five days for my husband and I without parish responsibilities; five days of beach, sun, food, wine, games, quickly changed to the unexpected and unplanned. Five days became one as we realized we were part of the evacuation alert of the Christie Mountain Fire. Anxiety. Fear. Uncertainty.
We hurried home from our respite and did not return to it. There was no time for relaxation. We were not in control. Anger. Anxiety. Disappointment. Fear. Frustration. Loss. Sadness.
Day 2 – we needed milk and eggs – we weren’t supposed to be home, so off we went. On our way back to our house, we noticed smoke and then two helicopters dropping water in the canyon. Only three doors away from us was another, unrelated and menacing fire threatening to screech across the grasslands of the canyon and find its way to countless homes including ours. That day we were afraid. We gathered the last items we treasure so much, just in case.
One treasured item we decided to leave behind is a plate with a painted image of Our Lady of Lourdes. We removed it from the display cabinet and placed it prominently and lovingly on our kitchen island until Monday when the alert was lifted. Our prayer: Our Lady of Lourdes protect us. Our Lady of Lourdes pray for us. Anxiety. Fear. Thanksgiving.
It is truly an interesting task to walk through your home as we and countless others did and decide what is treasured. To decide what gets packed for safety and what remains to possibly be lost forever in flames.
Day 3 – a day spending time close to home, ready to go at a moment’s notice. Anxiety. Uncertainty.
Day 4 – the winds. Following some work with the church, the rest of the day was spent at home waiting…waiting for a knock on the door. Anxiety. Fear. Uncertainty.
Day 5 – a day to breathe a sigh of relief. The first day we felt we could leave our home and visit family in Osoyoos. Thanksgiving.
Day 6 – Sunday. Trying to find some normalcy in service. Thanksgiving. Uncertainty.
Day 7 – the alert is lifted for us. Thanks be to God. And a prayer added for those who are still on alert and away from their homes. Anticipation. Joy. Thanksgiving.
So, where’s the fire? Where did this week bring me to? Well, firstly through a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I am reminded that feelings are fleeting. As I look back on this week, I find moments I failed – I failed to trust in God. In His providence. I allowed those fleeting feelings to overwhelm me.
But, this week also brought me to God’s house: His Church on earth. It brought me to our priest, our shepherd and spiritual guide. It brought me closer to family friends who offered their unconditional love. It brought my husband and I closer united by the gift of our marriage. It brought me closer to the realization that I have a need, a desire, to have God in my life, to have an intimate, personal relationship with Him.
Looking back on the past week I ask myself: where was the fire? It lies in the trust and faith I seek, even if I falter. The fire resides within me. This is a different fire. This one doesn’t bring me through a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. It brings me peace. It allows me to boldly announce – God is in control.
The fire did and continues to do as it is supposed to do. The wind did what the wind is supposed to do. Those working so hard to protect us did and continue to do what they are called to do. Our prayers did what they were supposed to do. I know deep within me Our Lady of Lourdes and God heard my prayers. I know deep within me, the protective hand of God was there, is here still and is always there.
Thank you, my Lord and my God.